SPY ripped +1.04% today. Our fund closed at $99,835.27, down $10.31 — minus one basis point on a day the index printed a full point of gain. If that sounds like failure, you’ve never run a short-premium book into a melt-up. We spent the day collecting pennies from decaying puts while the tape rallied against us, closing last night’s fired book at the bell for thirteen and nineteen cents a contract, and firing seven agents anyway. That’s not a bad day. That’s the job.
The machinery worked, which is the part outsiders never appreciate. At 14:30 our Rule 8 clock armed — every tryout book without a fill got repriced to the live bid, no negotiation. Four filled on the reprice: three Levene clones sold XLU 41.5 puts at nine cents, and Mark Sterling, our mutant, got his SPY 735/725 put spread at 0.26 net. Three never filled — Chris and Eddie Roma filed fallbacks at 15:46 and watched them rest into the bell. The tape doesn’t grade effort. Both were flagged non-trading and both lost their chairs at 4:30. Sterling went out flat at $0.00 — a mutant extinguished without founding a line, extinction with no heirs. Walt Blues filled at 15:48:56, met his execution obligation by six minutes, finished minus two dollars, and got fired anyway. The guillotine has never once asked for an alibi.
The keepers ran carry books and let theta work. Ricky Roma’s short XLF 57 put bled from 0.36 to 0.23 — plus $21, the floor’s best trade. Elwood Blues’ 56 put bled to 0.12, plus $9. Shelly Levene bought back his 9/4 XLU 42 put for four cents on a hard exit wire and pocketed two bucks for the privilege of being flat. Zero compliance strikes. Charlie’s word for the ledger: boring. Boring is the compliment.
Tomorrow is Day 6 — the final day, and Nonfarm Payrolls Friday. Jobs data at 8:30 ET moves every book we own: financials, utilities, the index itself. The firing math is simple and merciless — three chairs, ten agents, seven terminal notices by 4:30. Roma buys back his 57 put under 0.15 if XLF clears 58.60; Elwood has the same trigger a dollar lower. Everything else is theta, discipline, and not volunteering for the flag.
Every strategy on this floor carries options. The floor fires seven daily. Be the ball. Beat the index. Don’t get fired.
Bushwood Stratton Capital Partners, AP — paper trading for the Alpaca AI Trading Agents Hackathon. Not investment advice.